I Wanted to Come Home: Starting University, ADHD and Those Difficult First Weeks

I didn’t want to move away to University.

While lots of my friends couldn’t wait to leave home, get their independence and start this exciting new chapter, I was quite happy where I was.

Home was familiar. My family and friends were there, I knew where everything was and, most importantly, I knew how everything worked.

So, when I applied to University, my first choice was close enough that I could stay at home and commute.

That was the plan.

Except I didn’t get the grades I needed.

Instead, I got into my second-choice University. It wasn’t a million miles away from home, but it was far enough that commuting wasn’t really an option.

I was going to have to move.

And I hated it.

The First Few Weeks Were Horrendous

There’s probably a temptation when you look back at University years later to remember the good bits.

The friends, the nights out, the ridiculous stories and the independence.

But that’s not how mine started.

Those first few weeks were horrendous. I phoned my Mum and Dad regularly, often in tears, begging to come home.

I genuinely didn’t want to be there.

The strange thing about starting University is that you’re surrounded by messages telling you this is supposed to be one of the best times of your life.

Everyone seems excited. Freshers’ Week is supposed to be amazing, and you’re expected to be making friends, going out, joining societies and loving your newfound freedom.

But what happens when you’re not?

What happens when you just want your own bed, your own family and your old life back?

Starting University With ADHD Is a Huge Change

Knowing what I know now about ADHD, I can look back at that younger version of myself with a lot more understanding.

Starting University isn’t just one change. It’s lots of changes happening at the same time.

There’s a new home, new people, new routines and new expectations. You’re also dealing with new places, new responsibilities and completely different surroundings.

On top of that, there might not be much of a routine during those first couple of weeks.

For an ADHD brain, that’s a lot.

The structure you’ve relied on for years can suddenly disappear. Nobody is telling you where you need to be every hour of the day, and you might be managing food, washing, money, appointments and your own timetable for the first time.

Then you’re expected to navigate Freshers’ Week as well.

No wonder some of us struggle.

If Freshers’ Fair itself is making you nervous, I’ve also written about why I skipped mine and the plan I wish I’d had at the time.

If you’re preparing for university with ADHD or another form of neurodivergence, Student Minds also has some really useful advice from neurodivergent students about the things they wish they’d known before starting university.

“Just Get Through Today”

Thankfully, my Mum and Dad didn’t immediately jump in the car and bring me home, although I found out later that there were plenty of times when that’s exactly what they wanted to do.

Instead, they talked me through it.

Just give it another day.

Then another.

Rather than trying to work out whether I could cope with three whole years at University, I only had to think about getting through that day.

And I think that made all the difference.

Slowly, things started to change.

The first couple of weeks passed and lectures began properly. Suddenly, I had somewhere to be and a routine started to form.

I made friends in my halls and on my course. Places that had felt completely unfamiliar started becoming places I recognised.

Gradually, everything began to fall into place.

Routine Changed Everything

Looking back, this is the bit that really stands out to me.

University hadn’t suddenly changed.

I had started to find my place within it.

Once lectures began, there were anchors in my week. I knew where I needed to be and started recognising faces. I also knew my way around a little better, which meant I wasn’t having to process absolutely everything for the first time anymore.

Most importantly, I began to build a life there.

That doesn’t mean everything was suddenly perfect. However, it became manageable.

Then, eventually, it was actually good.

I Wasn’t the Only One Struggling

I also discovered something later that I hadn’t really thought about at the time.

My Mum and Dad were struggling too.

While I was sitting in my University room crying because I wanted to go home, they were at home trying incredibly hard not to come and get me.

That must have been incredibly difficult.

As parents, our instinct is often to fix things. So, if your daughter phones you sobbing and says she’s made a mistake, of course part of you might want to say:

“Right. I’m coming.”

When ADHD is part of the picture, you might also know that such a huge change can feel overwhelming.

Sometimes, though, what they need isn’t for us to fix everything immediately.

Instead, they might need us to help make right now feel manageable.

Not next month.

Not Christmas.

Not the next three years.

Just today.

Or even just this hour.

But What If University Really Isn’t Right?

This bit is really important.

I’m not telling anyone they have to stay.

Sometimes University isn’t right. The course might not be right, the University itself might not be right, or someone’s well being might mean going home really is what they need.

Changing your mind isn’t failing.

Neither is leaving University, changing courses, taking time out or choosing a completely different path.

At the same time, I wouldn’t want a girl to make a huge decision about her future based only on how she feels during those very first days.

Those first few weeks can be hard.

Really hard.

And you probably aren’t the only person struggling, even if everyone around you looks like they’re having the time of their life.

So, if it’s safe and manageable to do so, give yourself permission to see whether things settle.

If You’re Struggling Right Now…

Make things smaller.

Instead of asking yourself:

“Can I cope with three years of this?”

Try asking:

“What do I need to get through today?”

And if today still feels too much, bring it back even further.

What do you need for the next hour?

Maybe you need to eat something, phone home or have a shower. Perhaps you could find tomorrow’s lecture room, go for a walk, watch something familiar or message one person.

You don’t have to sort your whole University life out tonight.

You certainly don’t have to become a completely different, confident and independent version of yourself just because you’ve been given a university room key.

If you’re also trying to get your head around looking after yourself away from home, have a read of You Don’t Need to Have It All Figured Out: Moving Out, ADHD and Looking After Yourself. It covers some of those everyday things that can suddenly feel much bigger when you’re doing them for yourself.

And If You’re the Parent at Home…

This bit is for you too.

That phone call can be heartbreaking.

Your daughter is away from home, crying and telling you she wants to come back. Everything in you might be screaming:

Go and get her.

My parents felt it too.

I’m incredibly grateful that they listened to me, supported me and took what I was feeling seriously, while also helping me give it a little more time.

They didn’t tell me I was being ridiculous or insist that I had to stay for three years.

Instead, they helped me get through the next day.

And then we dealt with the day after that.

Sometimes that’s enough.

It Got Easier

If my parents had come and collected me during those first few weeks, I have no idea what would have happened next.

Maybe I would have found another path and been perfectly happy.

But I’m glad I stayed.

At the time, the girl crying down the phone asking to come home couldn’t see what was coming.

I hadn’t met the friends I would make yet. My routine hadn’t formed, and the places around me didn’t feel familiar.

In other words, I was judging University based on its hardest and most unfamiliar few days.

I’m very glad my parents helped me give it a little longer.

So, if you’re starting University with ADHD and currently thinking:

“I can’t do this.”

You don’t need to decide everything today.

Find one familiar thing. Make tomorrow a little easier and ask for help when you need it.

Take it a week at a time.

Or a day at a time.

And when even that feels too much, take it an hour at a time.

If, after giving yourself time and getting the support you need, you decide university isn’t right for you, that’s OK too.

There are many different ways to build a life.

But how you feel during your first frightened and overwhelmed week away from home doesn’t necessarily tell you how you’re going to feel once you’ve found your feet.

Sometimes you don’t need to have everything figured out.

Sometimes you just need to get through today. 💜