Term starts this week. Whether it is going to feel like a relief, a fresh source of anxiety, or a strange mixture of both, take a breath. Before we get to the uniforms and the pencil cases and the “did you pack her water bottle”, stop here for a minute.
You made it through the summer holidays.
That sentence deserves more credit than it usually gets. Made it through, as in you carried a household through six weeks of no routine, no structure, no built-in breaks, and did it while parenting a brain that needs more of all three. Made it through, as in whatever the last six weeks looked like, whatever went sideways, whatever you tried and dropped and tried again, you got here. Six weeks is a long time. Six weeks with an ADHD daughter is longer.
What you actually carried
Nobody sees this bit. Nobody hands out awards for it. But since we are here, let us name it.
You were the routine. When school stopped providing shape, you became the shape. Even when it felt like you were failing at it. Even on the days there was no shape at all. You still held the framework of the family, whether it looked tidy or not.
You were the regulation system. Every meltdown, every shutdown, every “I am bored” delivered in a voice that could strip paint. You were the person whose job it was to keep your own nervous system calm while hers was on fire. Nobody trained you for that. You did it anyway.
You were the entertainment coordinator, the referee, the driver, the caterer, the boundary holder, and the emotional debrief. Often before 10am. Often before your first cup of tea had gone cold.
You held the mental load of remembering that she has a hair appointment on Thursday, that her medication runs out next week, that her friend’s mum has invited her over on Saturday, that she needs new school shoes, and that you are not sure if last year’s blazer still fits. You held it because if you had not, nobody would have.
The quiet exhaustion nobody talks about
There is a particular tiredness that comes with parenting an ADHD child through the holidays, and it is not the same as being physically tired.
It is the tiredness of always being needed. Of never having a break long enough to actually rest. Being asked the same question 14 times in an afternoon. Holding your face steady through the 15th argument about screen time, when what you really want is 20 minutes where nobody talks to you.
It is the tiredness of watching your own emotional bandwidth run out, and having to keep going anyway.
If you find yourself relieved that term is starting, that is not failure. That is data. The load you have been carrying is real.
The guilt underneath the relief
Then, on top of the tiredness, there is often guilt.
Guilt that you were not more patient. Guilt that you did not do the enriching activities you had planned in July. Then guilt that some days ended in shouting. And guilt that you are quietly counting down the hours until she is back in a classroom. Plus guilt that she is going to notice that you are counting.
It is okay to want term to start. Wanting a break from being fully needed is not the same as not loving her. It is what happens to a parent who has been holding a lot for a long time. Wanting a break is the sign of a healthy human, not a bad mother.
If any of this is sitting hard tonight, our post on radical acceptance for parents of ADHD daughters covers the ground underneath the guilt. And if today is one of the days she shuts down on you, emotional flooding and what to do when your daughter goes silent will help you know what to do. For your own wellbeing, Young Minds has a good guide for parents on looking after yourself that is worth a read once the term is settled.
Before term starts.
You do not have to do anything special. If the bag is packed and the uniform is out, that is enough. If it is not, and you decide to sort it in the morning, that is also enough. Anything else you thought you would do in preparation, put it down.
Whatever the last six weeks looked like in your house, you made it through the summer holidays. That is what this week proves. Go and sit somewhere for ten minutes. Not to do anything. Just to be a person for ten minutes.
A bit of honesty from me, Sarah
I do shifts at my local supermarket, and last night I watched the tail end of the school holidays walking through the self-checkout. Frazzled did not quite cover it. One mum had a toddler on her hip, a teenager doing the “I told you they would not have it” face, and a look in her eyes that I recognised straight away. She was not just tired. She was six-weeks-of-parenting tired.
I wanted to reachout and tell her she was doing brilliantly. I did not, because British supermarkets are not built for that kind of moment. So I am saying it here instead. If any of that was you last night, or last week, or all summer, you were doing brilliantly. It did not have to look brilliant to be brilliant. It just had to be you, showing up, day after day, for a young person whose brain needed you more than most.
The end of a summer challenge
This is the last post in our summer blog challenge. Every day since the schools broke up, we have put something out for young people, for young adults, and for you. Thank you for reading, for sharing, for showing up in your daughter’s corner. We could not do this work without the parents who choose to be alongside their girls in it.
This week, term. Tonight, rest.
You made it through the summer holidays. That is enough.
At Unstoppable Girls, our mission is to make sure girls and young women with ADHD are understood, supported, and empowered to build confident lives. We support parents too, because we know how much you are carrying.
If your daughter is aged 13 to 25 and near Ashford, our ADHD support group in Ashford is a warm, welcoming space that she is welcome to try when she is ready.
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